My philosophy professor, Dr. Sarmento told us the following advice from the day we started his class and reminded us of this advice on our last day in class during my undergrad studies:
The unknown is what we fear. To fear the unknown is not worth living. To live, we must explore the unknown. Failure brings suffering. Suffering brings experience. Experience brings us wisdom. Wisdom makes life bearable.
2020-2021 has been an adventure as my friend Nina put it. She was right. I spent 4 years and 2 months at a company I’ve always been a fan of, HBO. It was a childhood dream to finally be working at HBO. When I was in high school as a Sophomore at John Adams High School in Queens, NY, all of my friends would talk about the Sopranos and how cool the show was. I didn’t have cable at the time due to my family's financial situation.
However, when the conversation came up with one of my friends when they asked me “What do I think about the show?” I would answer with, “you know what’s even cooler? Is working for HBO and being part of the journey to making these cool shows!”
While I applied to the company 3 different times in a span of 5 years with all rejections after graduating from college, the 4th time was the charm when I was accepted as a consultant. Eventually, I was hired as an employee. I had an awesome boss who always had a blast joking around with us during work to make the day go by and he cared for all of us. I’m glad to also call him a friend/mentor to talk to whether we’re playing Destiny 2 on PS4/PS5 or just needing feedback on career advice or just goofing around and sharing jokes with each other.
The opportunity gave me a chance to work on awesome projects from testing playback of Game Of Thrones to ensure the episodes played correctly across various devices, the relaunch of Cinemax.com and HBO.com, and retiring Adobe Flash on our web platforms. I’ve also met many of my friends from HBO who became part of my extended family. We also played Destiny 2 together during our off hours because the video game was our common hobby and it helped us with our team bonding. I also had the opportunity to beta test the Westworld VR game for the Oculus which was awesome! Seeing the credit role and seeing my name on there was an accomplishment. Even came in on my day off just to play the Westworld VR experience.
I also enjoyed the successes at HBO. Being one of the go-to point persons for the QA team was something that happened by chance and I didn’t take it for granted. I came into this team not knowing much about QA my first year to becoming that person to help train the new hires. It was an awesome experience to see our Seattle team grow from a small handful of people to being a full fledged team.
In June 2018, our company would be acquired along with the rest of the parent company, Time Warner by AT&T and would later form the new entity known as WarnerMedia. As with any mergers, reorgs/consolidation were all part of the process. There were departures and there were new hires. By July 2020, I made a decision that shocked my team and my boss. I decided to leave the company I’ve enjoyed and the team I’ve bonded with for the last 4 years and pursue a lateral move at a different company with a smaller team. Seeing the team grow from a team of a handful of people in the NYC office to eventually helping train some of our Seattle members and finally having a QA team that expands both east and coasts have been an amazing journey. I was happy to be part of the building process and helping the team grow. But I also knew that the moment was the right time for me to move on to the next opportunity.
There’s that word… Time.. I’ve enjoyed my time at HBO / WarnerMedia. The time here help set the foundation for success. I felt this was the right time to step aside and let others take the reigns and elevate themselves to become successful in their careers too. I’ve also continued to stay in touch with my former boss and colleagues. Once this pandemic is behind us, I do plan on meeting up with the old team again for a reunion.
By July 2020, I joined NBC for their Peacock streaming service. It was a great opportunity because I had the opportunity to build my role from the ground up and also help build up the team processes. I also got the opportunity to work with our international counterparts from the UK and Portugal who were from our Sky TV team. It was a great experience and I was able to expand my knowledge getting into the realm of data science which included inheriting the Defect Management tool from the data analysts who worked on the project. This also allowed me to split my time between QA and working on the trials team. It was a unique opportunity and I enjoyed it very much to where I can flex my data analytic skills and QA skills. This allowed me to explore my passion for data and experimenting with tools such as Tableau in which the Trials Analyst and I created a new dashboard for our director. I also enjoyed the support from the team and my director. Eventually, we also hired a QA manager and he’s been awesome as well. The style of leadership is identical to what a coach would do for a sports team. We would have our autonomy to do our work and our manager and director would point us in the right direction in case we got stuck or needed guidance. We worked on projects from testing app performances using an AI tool for automation to prepping for WWE events and eventually the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. This was the other childhood dream as well.
In April of 2021, I received a call from one of my mentors who recently joined Discovery to launch their Discovery + streaming service. She worked on the Data Analytics team. So the opportunity came up to help her build out her team. After giving it much thought, I decided to take upon the offer to see where the opportunity can take me. It was a tough decision to make as my team at NBC has treated me well. But the other part of me wanted to give the new role a shot since it revolves around data analytics. Ultimately, I said yes to the role. I was happy to be able to work with my mentor and a few HBO alumni again. In the beginning, things were great and I was happy with the work we did. I got a promotion, a new title, and a bump in pay.
Things were going well for a while. Until August of 2021. My mom had a relapse and said she was experiencing symptoms similar to what got her into the hospital in 2008. It turns out she had a blockage in her brain. This is a condition common in the East Asian population called Moya Moya Disease. This resulted in her feeling weak or having issues breathing. I felt guilty that she ended up this way because since taking on my new role, I barely spent time with her and she was so accustomed to me spending time with her at dinner all these years. I was focused on getting the work done and lost sight of the family time.
On the way to the hospital, my mom told me she had one request for me. It was for me to go back to my previous role at NBC where at the time I had more time with her and time for the family.
When we arrived at the hospital, they ran tests on her and checked for symptoms of a stroke. They also found a small mass in her brain which caused the blockage but thankfully it was not cancerous. The MRI was done and it was recommended she get an angiogram done to clear the blockage. In the meantime, she was told by the doctors to try to take things easy and spend more time relaxing. She also has additional follow-ups with her cardiologist. With my mom being a diabetic, she’ll need to continue to monitor her blood sugar levels. In a blink of an eye, I switched back to caretaker mode. I had to take a step back and re-evaluate my current situation and reprioritize things and put the home front first.
“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.” - Buddha
With the incoming workload and new projects, I realized that my commitment and efforts will be challenging both on the home front and on the work front due to timing. With my mom’s situation and then my son starting home school for the first time, it was clear that my priority had to be on the home front. Eventually, I made the decision to leave my role at Discovery to spend more time being there for my family and I also reached out to my manager at NBC and requested to go back to my old role as a QA Engineer.
“The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.” - Buddha
While this may have not been ideal and leaving my job so soon, this experience taught me to finally realize what I wanted. In the past, I use to think having a title/ higher pay would make me happy. My late mentor passed away in October 2020. His obituary told the story of the time he was an Assistant Principal and why he remained in that role until his retirement. He was offered a promotion to move up to Principal in which he declined because he enjoyed being able to teach. If he became a principal, he would be in meetings most of the day and he didn’t really see himself happy with the role. I recalled even back in high school he had this same conversation with me and taught me that “you can have all the titles and money you want. But in the end, that will not always mean that it’ll make you happy. “ He was right.
I was always on this “I want to climb the ladder of success and move to keep moving up the ladder to get a higher title, higher pay so I can be happy”.
I was wrong.
I found myself at times in depression. I became isolated and barely talked to my friends like I use to because I was at work for most of the time and by the time I ended the day, it was time to go to bed and wake up again in a few hours and repeat all over again. I recall getting a call from a friend and he would ask the following question: “So .. still busy? Work got you tied up huh!”. He understood I was struggling.
The following Monday, after taking my mom home from the hospital over the weekend, I spoke to my manager and told her I will be moving on because I won’t be able to juggle the home front and the job any longer as my attention is needed immediately to help out my mom and be there for my wife when she starts homeschooling our son. My manager had known me from previously at our old job was sad to see me go but ultimately respected my decision. I can’t blame her either. We had a lot of history together back in our previous company and team. Ultimately, this was my decision to make alone and I didn’t want to be stopped because I knew this was something I needed to do.
Coming to terms with my limitations and realizing that it was time to leave the job was tough but this was something I needed to do for my family and also for my own mental health. I was glad to have an open conversation with my manager and my director as part of my exit interview. By making it clear I’m leaving on the basis of family reasons, they understood and respected my decision. In short, time was what mattered to me the most and I wanted to get that time back for my family and for myself.
“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” - Buddha
After I left my job, I took two weeks off to work on overcoming my depression. I’ve realized that I’ve stopped enjoying my favorite activities such as video games, playing my guitar. Eventually, I reached out to my friend Katie and we spoke about my situation. She recommended me a book from Dr. Nicole LePera, a Holistic Psychologist - How To Do The Work. Dr. LePera started her movement of #SelfHealing on her Instagram, The Holistic Psychologist.
The exercises helped me take control of my life again and set up boundaries whether it is work or family to ensure I have time for myself and also have time to spend with those who are close to me. I’ve also learned to retrain my brain and think differently when in stressful situations. I’ve managed to cope by reintroducing the following in my self-care routine:
Taking deep breaths.
Physical exercises
Playing my guitar or video games to relax.
Listening to music.
Being in the present moment is what mattered to me most. It was through these activities I learned that I should not keep worrying about the “what ifs” or “what will happen tomorrow, next month, next year, or several years down the road”.
It was these same thoughts that got my mom into her current situation where she would have anxiety worrying about things beyond her control. I recall even one of the doctors told her to stop worrying about things beyond her control and let things be. I should be present. I would hear my wife often remind me the last few months that while I’m physically here, I’m not mentally present. I realized what she meant by that now. Making the time to be there for her and my son mattered and making time for my mom mattered too. Being present for them and spending time with them after work again was something I looked forward to.
While I may have taken a step back in my role and salary, it is the time I get back in return that is what mattered to me most and it is what is much more valuable to me than the title or the salary that comes with it. I’m also going to continue working on overcoming the depression by seeking help from therapy and for once I’m not ashamed to admit that I need to see a therapist to help me find the root cause of the depression and face it.
Being a caretaker and juggling a full-time job have been tough. I am thankful for my friend Rosy for sharing her experience as a caretaker with me and suggesting new foods and recipes for eating healthy. She also was the first person I reached out to when my mom was in the hospital. Her experience as a caretaker for her dad and previously her mom has helped guide me through one of the darkest hours in recent times. Thank you, Rosy!
I also want to thank my wife for encouraging me to reach out and to get back into what I enjoy again. Additionally, I want to thank my friend Katie for recommending How To Do The Work and for being an awesome buddy and partner in this #Selfhealing journey. Finally, I want to thank my crew from all 3 of my recent roles for understanding and for their support.